I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
