was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
