They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I have tasted many bathrooms
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
