Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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