I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
this just has baby written all over it
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
