i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
