Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize