You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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