Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
