Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
