woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize