U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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