I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
