What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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