He disabled his match.com account in front of me
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Randomize
