Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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