sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Randomize