Small penises have feelings too.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
