The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
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