i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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