do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Randomize