I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Did you just see the Batmobile???
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Randomize
