I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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