Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
