Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Randomize
