You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
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