wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Randomize
