Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
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