i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
