I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
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