A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
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