he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
