Your favorite bartender is back from prision
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
