he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
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