I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
