The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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