yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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