is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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