i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize
