Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
