just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Help. Why am I so naked?
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