they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize
