dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Randomize