so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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