And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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