Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Randomize
