i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
