i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Randomize
