Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
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