so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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