I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
You're like the curious george of whores
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
