she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Are my feet made of real feet?
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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