weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
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