Moan for me like Helen Keller
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
