i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
