There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
