He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
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