its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
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