Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
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