Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Randomize
