i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
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