Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
