I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Randomize
