I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
