Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
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