I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
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