I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
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