do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
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