bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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