i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Randomize
