I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Randomize
