Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
