Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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