I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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