On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize
