dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Randomize