i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
