Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Randomize
