i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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