No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Randomize
