she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
