I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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